Book Review: "Imaginary Jesus" by Matt Mikalatos

If you know me, you know I like free books. I also like gadgets. So when Matt Mikalatos (Twitter link) tweeted that he was giving away digital copies of his book Imaginary Jesus, I thought, "What the heck? I'll check it out." I read the first chapter (Chapter Zero, for those of you keeping count), and I was hooked. In this fun combination of personal memoir, allegory, and fantasy fiction, Matt is at a yuppie vegan cafe in Portland with flesh-and-blood Jesus when a guy named Pete approaches and punches him in the face. Read the scene:

"That--" Pete pointed out the window at the racing back of my Lord--"that was an imaginary Jesus, my friend. And now that we're on to him, he's going to run."

I crossed my arms and frowned. "I've known Jesus for a long time. What makes you think that you know him better than I do?"

"Because," Pete said, heading for the door, "I'm the Apostle Peter."

I won't lie - this is a strange story. But it's brilliant. Matt's writing is in the same vein as C.S. Lewis in A Pilgrim's Regress, but not on the same level (sorry Matt - you're good, but not that good). But the story in terrific. With the help of the Apostle Peter, a former prostitute, a talking donkey, and Mary, Matt takes on his Imaginary Jesus, and battles it out with other Imaginary Jesuses in the process, to find the true Jesus of Nazareth and begin to really understand Christianity.

Other Jesuses we meet are King James Jesus (quite the strict one - "It was centuries before he even allowed New King James Jesus to exist."), Liberal Social Services Jesus ("He thinks the best way to tell people about God is through service, because he never talks about God. He's great to have around because he keeps the place spotless."), Conservative Truth-Telling Jesus ("He has no arms. He thinks the only way to tell people about God is through hard truth, and he never raises a hand to help people with their physical needs."), Magic 8-ball Jesus (who has twenty replies: ten positive, five negative, and five neutral), Perpetually Angry Jesus (apparently, he's the Calvinist Jesus that Mark Driscoll worships), Testosterone Jesus (a popular men's retreat speaker), and Harley Jesus. There are more, but you need to read the book.

And, great news. The book is free through the month of February, so check out Matt's blog and download a copy. I promise, you'll enjoy it.

Barnes & Noble: Epic Book Fail

For Christmas, I got a gift card to Barnes & Noble. I appreciate this, because I love books. I've been interested in doing some studying about what the Bible says about things, then developing a set of opinions for politics, economics, et cetera. That seems like the proper order of things.

But I digress.

The massive chain bookstores have replaced local booksellers because, somehow, they are cheaper than the local variety. I have no idea how this is true, because Barnes & Noble is the most ridiculously expensive bookstore in the world. I found a book I wanted to get, but it was $40.00. I looked it up on Amazon.com, and the exact same book was $26.99. Barnes & Noble doesn't do price matching.

So what do I do? I've got this stupid gift card that limits my spending options to one place, so I'm stuck paying too much for a book. I bought some coffee, picked up a collection of Dilbert comics, and left. In the future, I'll just be going to Barnes & Noble to drink coffee and read the books that I bought more cheaply at Amazon.com (or, more likely, something in my Kindle that I bought online for way cheaper than anything in the store).

Seriously, how can a bookseller justify being so expensive? And why don't more people shop at Amazon.com?

exodus

My feet ache. I’ve been running for two days, stopping only for moments to eat. I haven't slept since I left because the king is chasing me. I can hear the thunder of the horses and the rumble of chariots growing closer and louder with each passing hour. I’ve brought nothing with me, save a few golden trinkets from my neighbors. I have the clothes on my back, the shoes on my feet, and a dream. A dream of freedom, of a land where I can raise my children and they can run and play without fear. A dream of a land where I can set up a small crop farm, or maybe develop a craft, and make a living for myself. A dream of a place where I can worship my God freely, and sacrifice, and live according to His commandments and His law.

My legs burn, my feet hurt, and my heart is racing. I stop for a breath, and I can hear the pounding of the horses closer than ever before. I look back to see the dust raising. Ahead is a river, so I begin to run to the left, only to find that it turns back towards the king. I turn and run to the right and see the chariots and the army flanking me.

I can smell the horses now; I can hear the obscenities being hurled at me by the army. I’m facing the army and back up as they close in on my, drawing closer and closer to the river. Looking over my shoulder, I see that the water is twenty yards behind me. I turn and run, watching the mass of humanity begin to charge. As I run frantically towards the water, I cry out to God. "Save me."

I never take my eyes from the king as he leads the charge towards me. I keep running towards the water, hoping to swim to safety. Any moment now, I’ll reach the water and dive for safety. A wind begins to blow from behind me, giving me an additional boost of energy beyond the rush of adrenaline that is flowing through my veins. This next step and I should be at the water. My feet don't seem to be working, because I never reach the shore. I finally look ahead, and see the water rolling back with each step. I’m ten yards into the riverbed, twenty yards, thirty yards, and as I keep running, I can see the shore on the other side. Another gust of wind from behind gives me an additional burst of speed, and I hear a crashing and screaming behind me. I look over my shoulder to see the water crashing down over the king and his chariots. A giant wave is closing in on me as I frantically run to the shore.

"How ironic," I think to myself. "To escape the king's wrath, only to suffer the same death as he." I continue to push myself, but my legs can't carry me any farther. I drop the sack of the golden trinkets and with my last ounce of strength, I dive forward, face-first into the sand. As I close my eyes and weep, I brace for the impact of the water. I feel it gently lap over my feet, and I look back to see the river - calm, peaceful, as if nothing had ever happened. The waves lap and the sack of trinkets washes ashore at my feet. Around me, the ground is covered in white excess, and there are quails sitting and watching me. The white excess is falling from the sky, and as one touches gently on my lips, I taste the sweet, honey wafer and feel refreshed.

I’m free.